It's an odd experience to drive yourself to a Hospital for a procedure! You are making the trip because of a pressing medical issue that needs attention and with that comes a forced prioritization of the things you find important on the drive which isn't the same as list of things you find important on your normal trip to the grocery store. An obvious thing to say but something that needs to be pointed out is the other cars, cyclists, pedestrians have no clue you are not going to the grocery store and that you are more than a little pre-occupied so as a result getting flipped the bird or otherwise engaged will leave the other drivers disappointed in what they may perceive as apathy – but it’s not. Things like using your blinker, merging, right on red and slightly more important details like Speed Limits are not high on your list of priorities. If "they" only knew how you were processing things it's safe to say you would be given a police escort or at a minimum treated the same way we treat school buses with terrific distances between them and you. You are going to have an out of body feeling during the drive, for those of you that have driven a new born home for the first time it’s in that camp emotionally but more of an innie than an outty feeling. Some real practical advice; make sure the trip advisor of your preference is on, while you most likely know the trip cold it’s still good to be listening to a comforting stranger remind you of upcoming turns. Put on the streaming music of your choice do not leave it up to terrestrial radio to get you there. Even though you likely have not eaten that day hearing the 1-800 Cars for Kids jingle is almost certain to force you to get ill and drive right off the road.
Miraculously and through sheer will power you end up in front of the hospital and suddenly it occurs to you if ever there were a need for valet parking its then and there but alas you follow the “Parking” signs out of habit. Meandering through a parking garage to find a spot so you can walk yourself to the Hospital to have a procedure is another odd experience but rest assured it’s at this moment when you will remember you forgot to let the dog out back at the house. Making your way into the building your first quasi medical screening will come from a Security Guard - this is going to surprise you. Mostly well intentioned and for the most part wanting to help - but ya know a security guard is no Jonas Salk. "Are you checking in or visiting," you will be asked with a tone that strikes you as voyeuristic and not all comforting. The question might set you off a bit, however responding that one of your organs shot out of your ass a few minutes ago and skipped across the parking lot isn't going to be as well received as you might think - be forewarned.
Checking in with the admissions staff starts the adult swim section of your day. These folks are focused on ensuring the paper work, insurance and schedules are all in order and while they can be pleasant the most you should expect to get is a well-intentioned “all the best”. You will likely end up in a waiting room of sorts after you’ve been admitted, a staging area before you end up in you medical port of call in another part of the building which is prepping for your arrival. The longer you are waiting the more you might start thinking to make a run for it until you remember this isn’t Shawshank and you aren’t Andy DuFresne. It may get under your skin that other patients are being escorted away ahead of you but let it sink in that this isn’t a restaurant and your relationship with “time” is about to take on a different flavor than you are accustomed to. Just breath.
Soon it's time for the Main Stage and your being escorted by an Aide to your next destination as you make your way past the periphery of shops or coffee stands and you will notice you are getting into the hospital proper now. You’ll make small talk and he or she will start pointing out features or any new construction, you might even catch a little bit of inside baseball chatter about staffing etc. If you take an elevator be prepared for a potentially unsettling intersection, a patient on a gurney or in a wheel chair or both with IV drips might be in the elevator actively being treated maybe even post op right there for all the world to see. As the elevator doors open you pause at the sight but the Aide escorting you walks in without hesitation so you cautiously follow. I have no idea what the proper etiquette is but I have never stared so hard at the elevator buttons or shoes in my life.
Once you’ve arrived to the area where you will have your procedure there will be a cartel of medical staff greeting and assisting you, this is where and when it really starts to sink in why you are there. The care and attention you are receiving now is of such comfort your confidence will grow and now that you are the focus of outstanding medical professionalism and acumen you will get psyched to get things started – it’s time to get you better. Your experience starts and ends with floor nurses, these folks earn their wings day after day, patient after patient. As you get settled with the nurses finishing the blocking and tackling the parade of clinicians directly involved in your procedure start their flybys. The anesthesiologist will find you and explain exactly how they do what they do, what types of medications will be involved and give you a sense of what your pre and post procedure experience will feel like immediately before and after. The surgeon and surgical nurses will spend time with you going over the details and it’s a super comfortable feeling knowing this team does this “job” every day. You may even see other patients of the surgeons recovering in the same room or heading to a nearby room from where you are prepping depending on how your facility is built out, that always gave me comfort seeing someone on the other side of a procedure and while they are resting they look exactly as you’d imagine you will.
In the Operating Room you’ll probably hear music and you might notice it’s cold. Just when you think to mention the temperature the anesthesiologist asks you to count backwards from 100 and it will go something like this, 100, 99, 98 …. and now the procedure which leads to the healing has started.
As you start to come out of it after the procedure you will be surrounded by a nurse or two, maybe the anesthesiologist as well, you’ll start to recognize your name and surroundings. Over the next few minutes the nurses will start adjusting the bed and your position and when they think you have your faculties back and are present you will hear the beginning of a question that starts with, “ On a scale of 1 to 10 ………” and you will know you are on the road to better health.